http://beulahmae.com/blog/ The rants, bitchings, and mundane things of Beulah Mae Pate Elmore. en-us Nucleus CMS v3.23 Weblog http://backend.userland.com/rss http://beulahmae.com/blog//nucleus/nucleus2.gif http://beulahmae.com/blog/ http://beulahmae.com/blog/index.php?itemid=351

Part 1: First Impressions

Lord this place is RU-RAL. Yeah, there are your sophisticated artsy types, but mostly this is small town America, but not really small town America. It's a culture of its own. I really don't know how Miss Flossie Jean makes it out here -- definitely being an outsider. But really, the place is full of outsiders, and I'll be doing some character sketches.

The one that stands out from the weekend is the Pueblo Princess. She is what I've taken to referring to as a two-spirit person. Bascially a native American drag queen. When I first met her on the street, she was wearing a long black cape with a hood, probably to hide the fact that she pours herself into her clothes. Flossie told me that she works at a coffee shop downtown and that, usually, she dons a set of Lee press-on nails. Fortunately she did not have them on this weekend. Later that evening, we went to the bar. Sort of the alterna-bar, where the ten gay people in town hang out with all of the ski-bums and ski-bunnies from California. We had to wait in line to get into this place, if you can believe that, dear readers. The PP came to wait in line as well, and introduced some marginally unattractive skinny male person as her 'partner'. When told she would have to wait in line, she said they would go in the back of the line and 'make their own fun'. They made their own fun when they got in the bar as well, flopping on a couch and practically having relations right there as everyone watched. It was dis-gust-ing. I'm sure you'll be hearing more from this one.

Well, I'm going to try to find something to do. There's 14" of snow on the ground this morning, so I suspect going into town will be limited. A bless day to all. The mountain is starting to speak to me...]]> Funnies http://beulahmae.com/blog/index.php?itemid=351 Mon, 5 Jan 2009 08:29:30 -0800 http://beulahmae.com/blog/index.php?itemid=350 reports that teenagers who take a virginity pledge are just as likely to have premarital sex than those who don't take such a pledge.

Really. That's shocking.

I just saw a grotesque movie called "Teeth" about this goody-goody virginity pledging girl whose vag turned out to have teeth. It bit off 3 members and a gynechiatrist's digits.]]> News http://beulahmae.com/blog/index.php?itemid=350 Mon, 29 Dec 2008 10:14:27 -0800 http://beulahmae.com/blog/index.php?itemid=349

]]> Funnies http://beulahmae.com/blog/index.php?itemid=349 Mon, 22 Dec 2008 10:07:22 -0800 http://beulahmae.com/blog/index.php?itemid=347 Even though I've been mostly housebound I haven't felt much like blogging lately. For this entry, I'm just going to list what I've been listening to in the past months.

Black Devil Disco Club - French, more electronic than dance, minimal to no vocals, fast driving music. I miss the days when Express played French techno.
Roisin Murphy - I discovered her long ago, but her latest was just released in the US. New song is Ramalama Bang Bang and has a marching, determined-bitch sort of tempo.
Judy Torres - Hell No (Tony Moran & Warren Rigg Club Mix) - Awesome Believe-sort of dance anthem. More proof that good dance music is not dead. Find this song on masterbeat and support yo dance divas, y'all!
Michael Woods f. Inaya Day - Natural High (Out of Office Club Mix) - Inaya Day is festive
The Saturdays - Up - Yet another girl group, but I like this song. It has a slower Donnasummeresque beat.
MIA f JayZ - Boys (Radio Edit) - I think this song is more hip-hop than dance, but it's fun.
Dirty South & Axwell f. Rudy - Open Your Heart
Brandy - Right Here (Moto Blanco Club Mix) - Can you pay my bills, can you pay my vehicular manslaughter bills?
LeeAnn Rimes - What I Cannot Change (Kaskade Club Mix) - Another song from LeeAnn, but not as fun as the last one.
Freemasons f Katherine Ellis - When You Touch Me (2008 Club Mix)
Ladytron - Destroy Everything You Touch (Radio Edit) - a bit dark and moody
Roger Sanchez f Terri B - Bang That Box
Blank and Jones - California Sunset (Short Cut) - it's more of a trance anthem

I was fortunate enough to receive Bill Bennett's "Big Muscle of the Rhythm" CD free for leaving such nice comments on his site. While the cover is disturbing (it's some weird gay leather thing), most of the songs are not disappointing. My favorites are listed.

Fame (Twisted Dee's NYC School of the Arts Peaktime Club Edit) - a mouthful of title, this is the best of the Fame remixes, in my opinion
Sacrifice - very gay
Fly Away by Sean Ensign - also very gay. Sort of sounds like a Swedish dance song. I'm not a huge fan of most of Sean Ensign's stuff, but this one is pretty good.
Cum - needless to say very gay. The beat is great, though. I'd love to hear it in a real club!
Reason - a slower beat, more electronic. Vocals are good (Royal Lush).





]]> Shameless Promotions http://beulahmae.com/blog/index.php?itemid=347 Mon, 22 Dec 2008 09:40:39 -0800 http://beulahmae.com/blog/index.php?itemid=346

SNOW
It won't be long until we'll all have nothing but snow!
SNOW
I'm up to my hands, my face, and my hair with snow!
SNOW
I long to hear the wrath of the hate of snow!
SNOW
Oh to see a great big man instead of snow!

What is Christmas with no snow?
Fucking Paradise.

with apologies to Bing Crosby and Rosemary Clooney, may they rest in peace

We have been snowed under for a week now. I'm so tired of it. I like snow. I want to see it and then leave, or have it come for a day or so and then leave. But this is apocalyptic ridiculousness. IT'S THE GLOBAL WARMIN'. IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD! OMG!!]]> Rants http://beulahmae.com/blog/index.php?itemid=346 Mon, 22 Dec 2008 08:04:07 -0800 http://beulahmae.com/blog/index.php?itemid=345
I thought the term "ma'am" was the widely-accepted form of courtesy toward women when you don't know them, but need to get their attention. However, in restaurants up here lately, such as that godawfully annoying Subway with its godawfully cheerful employees and overly perky manageress/franchisee, I've been hearing them yell out "WHAT CAN I GET FOR YOU, MISS?" Thank God Beulah isn't a real woman and doesn't have that term used on her, or they would get a piece of her mind.

In France it's considered rude and patronizing to call a woman over 16 "mademoiselle". Maybe it's just because I've heard "ma'am" all my life, but it sure is irritating to the ears. I'd almost rather hear "hunnnn".

Apparently "ma'am" offends some women, because it sounds "old". I found that Miss Conduct over at boston.com has this to say:

"But it's hard to think of the dislike of "ma'am" as being anything other than sexism compounded by ageism. "Ma'am" means a woman in authority, a woman due respect. Why would you rather be a cute, nonthreatening little "miss" when you could be a commanding "ma'am"? And for women who feel that "ma'am" implies age--well, what's wrong with that? Age brings a host of physical annoyances, but it also brings self-knowledge, wisdom, authority, achievement."

"Men are sirs. Women are ma'ams. I am a woman: I am a ma'am."

This does beg the question: WWMD? What would Margaret do?]]> Rants http://beulahmae.com/blog/index.php?itemid=345 Wed, 10 Dec 2008 07:43:39 -0800 http://beulahmae.com/blog/index.php?itemid=344 News http://beulahmae.com/blog/index.php?itemid=344 Wed, 10 Dec 2008 07:31:34 -0800 http://beulahmae.com/blog/index.php?itemid=342

I really don't think I need write what I think about these, but yes, you are seeing Ed Hardy ties. Just in time for Christianaudigiermas. If anyone bought me one of these, they would swiftly and promptly be disowned. You have been warned.

Thinking about our fashion here in Portland, let me ask: when would one wear such a thing? To the office? Maybe if you are a Harley salesman. To church? Maybe if it were a trucker or biker church, held at your local TA or Flying J. What other occasions do people wear ties up here?

Why, Lord, why!?]]> Funnies http://beulahmae.com/blog/index.php?itemid=342 Tue, 2 Dec 2008 08:23:44 -0800 http://beulahmae.com/blog/index.php?itemid=340 strange land, the Land of Enchantment to be exact. I'm sure I'll see lots to write about there (ahem).

But for now, we're stuck here, in a less-than-creative mood. So, just hold tight, adoring fans, all three of you.]]> General http://beulahmae.com/blog/index.php?itemid=340 Tue, 2 Dec 2008 08:05:56 -0800 http://beulahmae.com/blog/index.php?itemid=339 brown-nosers citizens came up to introduce themselves and casually mention that they were out of a job.

I got a little belligerent and yelled out "Oh PLEASE Miss Mayor, can't you tax me some more!?" I mean, those elephants in the zoo need to have better drainage for their shit, we need to subsidize the poor, hurting construction industry with our money to build countless more buildings for the community college, and God, won't somebody please think of the gd children?

Oh, and mama needs a new 5mph train to go down Sandy Blvd, which I don't need to point out, is A MAJOR HIGHWAY.

I'm just going to say it: BEULAH MAE IS A LOCAL-LEVEL REPUBLICAN.]]> Rants http://beulahmae.com/blog/index.php?itemid=339 Mon, 17 Nov 2008 13:36:47 -0800